If I were guaranteed not to fail, then I would first tear down the wall I’ve built around my heart. This would be a full time job as that wall has been long in the making.
The first block was set in stone when my father passed away. This happened a month before my 15th birthday. Since then, it has slowly been built into a towering wall of “You can’t touch this”.
Love hurts us all and I’m one of those that after multiple tries I kept building that wall. My last relationship sealed the deal like one of those grifters that will seal your driveway with tar.
Intimacy is a hard thing to share with anyone after you’ve been burnt in love. The first couple of times you can dust the heart off and move on. As I age, this isn’t the case any longer. What took days or weeks now last a lifetime.
Am I scared to be hurt again? Is it hard to show the trust again? Does she truly love and care about me?
Damn Skippy these questions go through my mind. The answers from past experiences tell me yes, yes, and I don’t know respectively.
This wall has had destructive results in friendships too as trust is such a fickle thing the older I get. It is not something that will stop overnight but rather takes time to achieve.
So yes, if I knew I couldn’t fail, I would think about Intimacy entering my life once more.
p.s. I guess that is the insanity of finding peacefulness.
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